Honey, Let’s Talk: How & When to Discuss Sex & Intimacy

Question: As a woman. if you’re talking to a guy and things start to become more intimate, would you want him to ask what pleases you sexually so he could satisfy you or would you want him go into the situation blind? 

First-time sex is not easy. The chemistry can be just right, but good or great or horrible sex is risky. My answer to this question bases more on how I connect and vibe with someone. If we are getting along well with great conversation, I’d be okay with being asked what pleases me. I think talking it out is important and I’d be open to discussion. However, women get turned off when these types of questions come pre-matured.

I encourage at least the second or third date before sex becomes a topic of conversation. Not too soon to scare away your date, but not too late where you’re in deep and can’t escape for yourself.

I wouldn’t want any man to walk into the bedroom blind, but I can see how it’s inevitable. If we’ve become intimate in some way; kissing, fondling, sexting, then yes, I’d rather be asked. However, sometimes we don’t really know a person’s sensitivity until we dive in head first. We may want one thing, you do that one thing and it doesn’t feel as good as we thought.

Gauge your connection and level of intimacy to each other. It’s best if you approach the conversation on a “I want to please you” tip instead of just making it about you. She will learn about you off the basis of you showing interest in making sure she enjoys herself.

Women are complex, but men are, too. Sex makes it tricky and bringing sex into conversation is tough. Men risk presenting themselves as a perv, and women risk coming off as too easy or fear that they’ll get less than they want.

Some women, myself included, like to know what I’m getting into before opening my legs. That may be knowing a dick size or learning if he eats pussy or not. Men being visual creatures, they may ask for naked photos and think this is cool. Or they think sending unsolicited dick pictures is also cool, but it’s not. Fellas, please stop. No woman wants a dick picture unless she asks for it. I promise.

Chatting about sex can be easy-peasy or awkward, but there are ways to make it interesting.  Encourage sex talk creating a debate or asking for an opinion. “What do you think of _____” leaves a question open for discussion. You have the chance to dig through a person’s sexual mentality without getting too personal.

Sexual conversations can be easier to handle in the right setting. Take this type of conversation out of texting. Go on a date, get a feel for the physical energy to each other. Maybe a drink or two helps you loosen up enough to bring sex up, but only if it feels appropriate. In the end, there’s only but so many ways to figure out if you’re sexually compatible.


Fellas, if you have a question you’d like me to explore in my my Honey, Read This section, send your question here.

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