Dealing with a breakup is challenging, but why are we coping with it publicly?
We have to adapt to a new daily routine, new feelings, new mindset, but it’s tough. How can you act like you didn’t just spend nearly a year (or more) with someone you loved?
There was a time I had a rough breakup and got through it with a bottle of Taylor Port wine and sulking. Not the best remedy but there’s this thing called growth, right?
There are many coping mechanisms to get through these hard times.
Social media is not one of them.
I get it; we want to drive to Sub City, post up a bunch of advertisements so our ex happens to drive by and see how great we are without them. But it does nothing.
To be real, I used to be that person. Getting through high school and college breakups, I did what I could to show my exes I was heartbroken or doing well, so they can see how much they fucked up.
Sooner or later, I noticed I was doing it for them, not me. And that’s where I was the fucked up one, in the same stagnant place of not moving on.
Some people may not understand a sub, so I am going to break it down a little bit because I’ve been seeing it a lot on my timelines and I am TIYAD. This is considered Don’ts for after a breakup:
- Throwing up screenshots of what song you’re listening to that weirdly relates to being sad or angry. “I Don’t Fuck with You” by Big Sean? Really? Right now in 2017? A song that came out in 2015. Sure, Jan.
- Reposting memes of “motivational” quotes that just so happen to deal with time wasted or being underappreciated.
- Posting a photo of you with a caption, “#Unbothered” “Put yourself first” or some other self-love quotey bullshit unrelated to your picture. I am yawning right now as I type this.
Who cares? Not your ex. I promise.
Here are Dos on how you can get through your breakup productively (emphasis on productively):
- Hang out with your friends
- There is nothing like blowing off steam than to get a little pow-wow and have fun. Yes, you may need a shoulder to cry on to get through it. That is fine. But don’t let it get the best of you. Head out to a party or a bar, get some drinks, or stay in to watch comedies, play video games, and eat ice cream. The point is to take your mind off your heartbreak.
- Stay off social media
- Seriously, social media is addicting but all it does is depletes our brain cells and reminds us why we’re upset. You keep clicking over to your ex’s page, seeing what they’re up to, what new followers they have, if they moved on and yet your heart remains broken instead of healed. Block them if you have to, but just stay off social media if all you’re going to do is stalk.
- Find a new hobby
- Yes, there are things people like to do in their spare time independently. Writing, exercising, painting, any type of creative outlet. Even creating a journal to write out your heartbreak and feelings is a hobby. My favorite hobby is hot yoga. Total body workout and releasing toxins while also clearing my mind. Peaceful. Find yours and you’ll wish you found it sooner.
- Start a project
- Starting something new is refreshing because you generate a lot of ideas ready to flourish. I’ll be open with you and say my blog idea came to fruition after getting through some minor upsets with men and realizing I needed to do things for myself. Thus arrived my beautiful baby, Daze in Nesstalgia. This goes under finding a new hobby in a way. If you have a business plan, a book idea, want a new job or even want to renovate your room. Do it. There is no better time than now.
The moment you start getting better for you instead of someone else, your vibrancy will radiate to new levels. Levels that will make you realize that throwing subs on Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook all day is beneath you. And your ex is beneath you, also. You can get through a breakup with ease and grace, you just have to believe your heart can triumph and you will.
If you have any dos and don’ts of your own, and even some ways you cope with relationship upsets, comment below with your remedy.
