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Honey, What’s Your Name?

You’re sitting on the train headed to work. Your brand new kicks and your shirt fits comfortably. Your headphones are blasting music and you catch sight of a woman step into the train.

Clear skin, pretty face, nice body frame, and you are convinced you smell her perfume from your seat.

She stands across the train, not too far, but close enough for you to notice she has a fresh manicure and neatly-trimmed hairstyle.

You glance in her direction a few times; her pretty face is looking down into her phone. although, her vibrant eyes meets your curious gaze, she glances momentarily and goes back into her phone.

How do you speak to someone who sees you without seeing you? It’s scary to go up to a complete stranger in front of other strangers and hope you aren’t publicly humiliated.

Maybe your stomach is churning a bit or your palms get a little sweaty. How do you know if she finds you attractive or if you’re even worthy of speaking to her? How do you know if she will talk back to you? These are some questions playing ping-pong in your mind.

You want her attention and you want to know her name.

How do you speak to someone who sees you without seeing you? It’s scary to go up to a complete stranger in front of other strangers and hope you aren’t publicly humiliated. However, if you’re ballsy, there are a number of ways it will be successful, but it starts with your initial approach.

A few methods for a humble approach include:

  • “Hello, you look beautiful today. What is your name?”
  • “Hi, my name is ___, and I just wanted to let you know I find you attractive. Can I have a moment of your time.”
  • “Hello, I noticed you ____.”

You can play around with your opening greeting, but the point is respect. Avoid “ayo, ma” “yo” “sweetie” – women really despise this. Also important to point out, an awkward “Hi” with no following words is not welcoming either. At that point, I’d just wonder why you’re speaking to me.

My experience with being approached is a hit or miss. Sometimes the moment goes well, other times I wish I could reclaim my time.

There are women who show no interest and some men do not really understand what this means.

Seeming uninterested can be a number of things:

  • Keeping conversation short and to the point
  • Finding a reason to excuse herself or walking away
  • Not asking you any questions to continue a flow of conversation
  • Keeping her attention in her phone
  • Rejecting you before you even finish asking her about her day

As a matter of fact, it is okay to walk away from a woman who shows more interest in her phone than your conversation. When you’re polite during and after the rejection, you make a lasting impression despite seeing her again or not.

She may say, “I have a boyfriend.” Whether she is lying or not, I am here to tell you that she is not looking for another friend; that includes you. I promise.

Another possible response, a simple “No, thank you,” is enough. Tell her have a nice day and walk away.

You should not pressure anyone to give you their number. As a result, you’ll receive a fake number or be an addition to her “#Blockedt” List.

My worst experiences being approached were from men who felt entitled for an explanation. You are in no way entitled anything from a woman. Write this on a Post-It and stick it on your bathroom mirror as a reminder to your daily routine.

To be frank, a woman who is interested will give you undivided attention; she will look you in the eye, speak to you, show her attention is involved with you.

However, being rejected doesn’t mean something is wrong with you or your approach. She could simply just not be into you and that is okay.

It is okay for a woman to not want you. Plain and simple.

All you have to do is move on.

On the other hand, women do take notice of the kind and calm approach. First impressions help someone decide whether they want to continue talking to you. A sweet tactic encourages a woman to be polite and she’ll contemplate handing out her number.

From the mind of a woman, I advise you be gentle in your approach, sweet in your words, and respectful in your intentions. It will get you her name.

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