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How Our Love Language Fits in the Dating Formula

If there is anything I’ve learned most these past couple years, it’s realizing the value of a love language.

We’ve heard about Love Languages: words of affirmation, acts of service, receiving gifts, quality time and physical touch.

You can take the quiz here if you are unaware of your love language.

Below is a breakdown of the 5 Love Languages, according to author, Gary Chapman.

  1. Words of Affirmation – using words to build up the other person. “Thanks for
    taking out the garbage.” Not – “It’s about time you took the garbage out. The
    flies were going to carry it out for you.”
  2. Gifts – a gift says, “He was thinking about me. Look what he got for me.”
  3. Acts of Service – Doing something for your spouse that you know they would
    Cooking a meal, washing dishes, vacuuming floors, are all acts of service.
  4. Quality time – by which I mean, giving your spouse your undivided attention.
    Taking a walk together or sitting on the couch with the TV off – talking and
  5. Physical Touch – holding hands, hugging, kissing, sexual intercourse, are all
    expressions of love.

After reading these (if you haven’t taken the quiz yet), there may be two or more that resonate with you. However, you really won’t be able to know which is your #1 language unless you: 1) take the quiz or 2) actually observe how you feel/think while interacting with your partner(s).

The reason I find this to be valuable knowledge during the dating game is because of how easy things become when you figure it out. It does take time to understand what makes a person comfortable or uneasy. However, picking up on these things lets you know what you yourself are happy doing.

Think about it. Knowing the ins and outs of a specific love language (and even your own) gives you a peace of mind.

It gives you the ability and control to decide your next step. Your attention is heightened because you’re looking out for certain signs that will help decide if this person is worth keeping in your life. Yes, it will be difficult to let them go if you have to, but think of how much time you save. Meanwhile, there are many of us going on tons of dates, going through a slew of unnecessary questions. If we know our love language, we can create conversation around it. Developing conversation with your date to get in one’s mind and see how they think and why.

Forcing certain things out of someone isn’t easy, and it’s not going to keep you happy. If you want to spend a lot of time with a person (more than usual) and this person can barely make time for you; evidently you need to let them go.

They have no thought or consideration towards what makes you happy or even trying to meet you in the middle. Or maybe you see your partner enjoys receiving gifts, and though you may not have the funds for it, doing things to show appreciation is keeping the love boat steady.

Sometimes I notice I’m always in between quality time and acts of service. I’m not too big on words of affirmation because I am a strong believer of actions speak louder than words. I like to see my partner showing me they miss me, doing things to prove how they feel about me. Parts of me enjoy this because I know I do the same.

Though, it gets tricky for me when my partner has a love language of words of affirmation and physical touch. I don’t need to text you a million times saying “I miss you” because instead, I will create plans for our quality time.

Your partner/significant other may not recognize their love language but you will notice the clues.

Once again, take the quiz here to discover your love language. Comment below with your love language!

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