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Complacency: Too Comfortable to Switch Up Syndrome

We get too comfortable with our partner and sometimes complacency creeps in not giving us a chance to keep the spark. Let’s avoid it.

With situationships on the rise, we’re doing much more fucking than dating. Dating, in my eyes, is an excuse to be outside the bedroom for a few hours. Getting a drink, watch a new movie, or check out a new restaurant. It is not a difficult thing to do, but getting someone to go out can be a bit of a hassle when you’re both used to each other’s company inside.

Now, I don’t mean the typical grab take out and watch Netflix together. That can be a date, yes. But a traditional date takes place off the couch and outside your home.

There isn’t anything wrong with a lot of fucking. I love it. Sex makes or breaks a connection. I feel that either it’ll make me want to keep seeing you or we’re making the time pass. Anyway, sex and a date can happen on the same night. I just find it important to hit the streets together beforehand.

I coin the word complacency when the frequency of going out lessens. Or complacent when one person realizes how mundane the relationship becomes and shows no interest to do something about it.

We get comfortable with our partner one way or another. It is healthy to continue to date and hang out even after a certain level in your relationship. Naturally, we become accustomed to a routine without noticing. We grow used to the Friday night take out, Saturday morning sex, and Lazy Sunday in bed.

My problem with complacency is my belief on where it begins.  From my observation, I feel this level of content stems from the idea that going out on dates is unimportant after we’ve become a unit. Sometimes we get used to our relationship and we forget why we’re attracted to our partner in the first place.

Some seem to think, why should we go out if we’re good inside? Newsflash, you’re wrong! Experiences is what makes you remember why you like each other.

Change will never come if you don’t speak up. I’m a huge advocate for communication. Vocalizing how we feel and what we want is the only remedy to fix any and all issues. I’m vocal in how I like to spend my time. I’m never against lounging in bed and being lazy on a Friday night. However, heading out the next day for a brunch or dinner date is meeting me halfway.

Here’s how to squeeze in a date without making it feel like work:

  • Themes
    • I recently decided I wanted to check out more Black-owned restaurants and bars with my partner. With the list being so long, we are sure to have a lot more upcoming date nights. Introduce quick and quirky themes to encourage going out. Maybe you switch neighborhoods for each night out or you choose a certain cuisine to stick with; themes keep it interesting. Even making a game out of the idea makes it fun because it becomes forming a list of places to check out.
  • iCalendar it
    • Whether it’s every first Friday of the month or ever last Wednesday, pick a particular day to include some excitement. Sometimes when we know a “special” day is coming up, we look forward to it. Even if you decide you want to start Brunch’n every Sunday, it still counts! I’m a big planner and like designated dates of the week (or month). If you aren’t big on planning, that’s okay! This may help once you pair a theme with that day. It becomes so much easier to have a romantic night (or day) out with your partner.

A few dates brought you into the bed in the first place. There was a point when going out was necessary to make sure you both were compatible. Sex makes chemistry easy to maintain. But going out and rekindling why you both have great chemistry is what keeps the relationship going. Complacency is subtle, but very avoidable. Find what makes you both happy as a pair and keep it going.

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